Reformed Pastoral Ministry, Preaching, and Missions — Unit 5: Family Worship and the Christian Home

Key Verse

"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7, NKJV)

Learning Objectives

When you finish this unit, you should be able to:

1. Give the biblical basis for worship and teaching in the household.

2. Describe what the Reformed and Puritan tradition taught about family worship, including the Westminster Confession and the Scottish Directory for Family Worship.

3. Describe a simple pattern of family worship and the part that each member of the household may take.

4. State the debates and objections about family worship, and give the Reformed answers.

5. Explain how a pastor helps households of many kinds, including single parents, widows, singles and families with an unbelieving spouse.

The Voice of This Course

This course is written from inside the Reformed and Presbyterian tradition, for students who belong to it. It is conservative and holds Scripture to be the inspired and inerrant Word of God. When it says "we," it means the confessional Reformed churches. Where other Christians differ, we state their views fairly and then answer. In Unit 3 we saw that the church teaches the faith through catechisms. In this unit we see that the home is the first and daily place where that teaching takes root.

The Home in God's Plan

The home is the oldest institution in the Bible. Before there was a nation of Israel or a church, God made marriage. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Marriage is the covenant union of one man and one woman, and from it come children and households. The Reformed tradition honors this order as God's good gift, and it holds that faith is meant to live within it.

Throughout Scripture, God works through households. He called Abraham and promised that he would command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD (Genesis 18:19). Joshua said, "But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (Joshua 24:15). Job offered prayers for his children (Job 1:5). Cornelius feared God "with all his household" (Acts 10:2). When the Philippian jailer believed, "he and all his family" were baptized (Acts 16:31-34). Paul praised the faith of Timothy's grandmother and mother, and reminded Timothy that "from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus" (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:15).

The Reformed churches also teach that God's covenant promise reaches believers and their children. Peter said at Pentecost, "For the promise is to you and to your children" (Acts 2:39). This is the root of infant baptism, which is studied in Course 4 under "Baptism of Believers and Their Children." Parents who bring a child for baptism promise to teach him the faith. The promise made in church is kept at home. Family worship is therefore the daily side of what baptism begins.

What the Bible Commands

Our key verse, Deuteronomy 6:6-7, sets out the pattern. The words of God are first to be in the parents' own heart. Then they are to be taught diligently to the children, and talked about as part of daily life: at home, on the road, in the evening and in the morning. It is not a program. It is a way of living in which the Word of God is always near.

The New Testament repeats the duty. "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Paul tells the church, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord" (Colossians 3:16). The psalms also teach it. Psalm 78:1-8 speaks of telling the coming generation the praises of the LORD so that they may set their hope in God, and Psalm 128 describes the blessing on a home that fears Him.

From these passages the Reformed tradition drew three elements for the household: the reading and teaching of the Word, prayer, and praise. These are the same elements as in public worship, which is why the home is sometimes called a little church. Course 4 studies those elements under "The Elements of Reformed Worship: Word, prayer, praise (psalmody and hymns)."

The Reformed and Puritan Teaching

The Westminster Confession of Faith (21.6) teaches that God is to be worshiped everywhere, in private families daily, in secret by each person alone, and more solemnly in the public assemblies. Family worship is therefore a duty listed beside public worship and private prayer, and it is not to be neglected for the others.

In 1647 the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland approved the Directory for Family Worship, to accompany the Westminster Standards. It urged that households practice prayer and praise, reading of Scripture and teaching, and that the head of the household take the lead. The Puritans in England and the Presbyterians in Scotland wrote much on this subject, and Baxter, whom we met in Unit 4, urged that families be places of instruction and prayer.

Historians have discussed two matters about this teaching. The first is how widely it was practiced. Records from devout households show that many families kept it faithfully. But preachers also complained that many neglected it, which suggests that the ideal often ran ahead of the practice. This is no surprise. The same is true of our churches today. The second matter is whether the Reformation changed the father's place. Some historians say that when the Reformers removed the priest as the teacher of the household, they raised the father to become a kind of priest at home, and that this placed heavy weight on fathers and left less recognition for mothers. There is truth in the first part. The Reformed tradition did give the father the lead in family worship, following Ephesians 6:4. But it never made him a priest, because Christ is the only Mediator, and it never set aside the mother. Scripture says, "My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother" (Proverbs 1:8). Timothy learned the faith from his mother and grandmother. We hold both together: the father leads, and the mother teaches beside him.

A Simple Pattern of Family Worship

The Reformed churches have no fixed rule for the length or form of family worship, because Scripture gives principles and not a timetable. The following pattern has served many households.

1. Choose a regular time and place. Many families use the evening meal or the time before bed. Consistency matters more than length.

2. Read a passage of Scripture. A short passage is enough, perhaps a few verses or part of a chapter. Many families read through a book of the Bible slowly. Children can take turns reading.

3. Explain and ask. The leader says in plain words what the passage means and asks a question or two. He does not preach a sermon. He helps the children to understand and apply it.

4. Sing. A psalm or a hymn can be sung, with or without an instrument. A family that cannot sing well may sing anyway. Colossians 3:16 does not ask for skill.

5. Pray. The prayer includes praise, thanks, confession and requests, for the family, the church, the pastor and the nations. Children can be taught to pray aloud.

6. Use a catechism. A question and answer from the catechism fits well here. A family may take a question each week until the children know it.

Fifteen minutes is enough. It is better to be short and faithful than to plan something long and give up. The leader should be warm. Fathers are warned not to provoke their children, and a family worship that is harsh, long and angry teaches children to avoid God.

Objections and Our Answers

Objection 1: Scripture does not explicitly command family worship. Some in the Reformed tradition, who hold the regulative principle of worship (Course 4, Unit 6), ask where the command is found. We answer that Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:16 command the household to teach, sing and pray, and the examples of Abraham, Joshua, Job and Cornelius show it. The regulative principle governs the public worship of the church, and the family's devotions are not a replacement for it. The Hebrews were warned about "forsaking the assembling of ourselves together" (Hebrews 10:25), so the home does not replace the church.

Objection 2: Family worship becomes a form without heart. Parents can read the Bible mechanically and children can learn to dislike it. This happens. It is not an argument for abandoning the practice, but for doing it well: short, warm, prayerful and honest. A father who confesses his own sins before his family and asks their forgiveness teaches more than a hundred lectures. The Spirit uses the Word, and the parents pray for this.

Objection 3: The church already does this through Sunday school and youth programs. Church programs are a help. They cannot replace the daily instruction of the home. Children spend perhaps an hour a week in a class and many hours at home. Deuteronomy 6 puts the main task on the parents, and the church equips them. The pastor who teaches a class and never speaks to the parents has missed the chief means of discipleship.

Objection 4: The father must lead, but many fathers are absent or unbelieving. Reformed teaching on the headship of the husband (Ephesians 5:22-33) is the tradition's view, and it remains our teaching. But Scripture does not leave a household without worship where the father is absent. In Latin America and elsewhere, many fathers work far away, or have migrated to another country, or have left the home. Mothers in such households teach their children with the full authority of Scripture, as Eunice did (2 Timothy 1:5). A widowed mother, a grandmother or an older sibling may lead. The church, through its elders, stands beside such homes.

Objection 5: We are too busy and too poor. The families of working people are often the busiest. But family worship costs nothing. It needs a Bible, a few minutes and a willing heart. Many believers have taught their children from a single Bible by lamplight. Illiterate parents can recite memorized verses or have a child read to them.

Households of Many Kinds

The pastor's care for the home includes many kinds of household.

Single parents and widows. God is "a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows" (Psalm 68:5). The church supports such households by prayer, by visiting and by the ministry of the deacons. A single mother can lead worship in her house, and the elders should ask how they can help.

Homes with an unbelieving spouse. Paul tells a believing wife or husband to remain with an unbelieving partner who is willing to stay (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Peter advises wives of unbelieving husbands to win them "without a word" by their conduct (1 Peter 3:1-2). Such a believer should not force family worship on an unwilling spouse. They can pray at the children's bedside, teach them kindly, and pray for their spouse. The pastor and elders pray with them.

Singles and couples without children. The word "household" includes whoever lives under one roof. A single believer can read Scripture, sing and pray each day, and also join in the worship of another family. A childless couple can pray and read together.

Marriages. The home worships well when the marriage is cared for. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and a wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:25, 33). The prayer of a husband is hindered if he does not honor his wife (1 Peter 3:7). The pastor teaches these things plainly and with warmth, and counsels troubled marriages with patience.

Pastoral Application

Pastor Ernesto visits the home of Roberto and Lupita, a young couple in his church. Roberto drives a taxi and works late in the evening. They have two children, aged eight and twelve. Lupita says, "We want to have devotions as a family, but Roberto is never home, and I am no teacher."

Ernesto does not give a speech. He first listens and thanks them for the desire. He notes that the elementary pattern needs only a few minutes. He suggests that they begin at breakfast on the days when Roberto is home and that Lupita lead on the other days, reminding her of Timothy's mother. He leaves a short guide for reading a Gospel, a hymnbook and the question for the week from the catechism. He tells them that the first weeks will feel awkward. He prays with them. Then he asks one of the elders to call on them after a month, and a woman from the church to encourage Lupita. In this way the family is supported and not left alone.

Summary

The home is God's gift, founded in the marriage of one man and one woman, and Scripture treats households as the first place where faith is taught. Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:16 describe the duty. The Westminster Confession (21.6) lists daily worship in families beside private prayer and public assemblies, and the 1647 Scottish Directory for Family Worship urged reading, prayer, praise and teaching. Historians discuss how widely this was practiced and whether the father's role was raised too high. Our answer is that the father leads and the mother teaches beside him. A simple pattern of reading, explaining, singing, prayer and catechism, kept short and warm, serves households of every kind, including single parents, widows, singles and homes with an unbelieving spouse. The church supports the home and does not take its place.

Further Reading

• Westminster Confession of Faith (1646-47), chapter 21.

• The Directory for Family Worship (Church of Scotland, 1647).

• Westminster Shorter Catechism (1647).

• Heidelberg Catechism (1563).

• Richard Baxter, The Reformed Pastor (1656), and A Christian Directory (1673).

• John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion (Beveridge translation, 1845), Book 4, chapters 1 and 16.

• William Perkins, The Art of Prophesying (1592).

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