Seminari ya Kitheolojia ya ChapalaChapala Theological Seminary Hali za Ushauri wa KichungajiCounseling Situations

Mtu AnayekufaThe Dying Individual

Pale ambapo kozi ya kwanza ilifundisha hatua kumi, kozi hii inaipitisha hali moja ndani yake. Tunaanza kando ya kitanda.Where the first course taught the ten steps, this course walks one situation through them. We begin at a bedside.

Hali YenyeweThe Situation

Mwanamume mmoja anakuja kanisani akiwa tayari na ugonjwa usiotibika. Anajiunga, na kwa muda wa miezi urafiki unajengeka — kifungua kinywa cha kila wiki kisichokosa, wanaume wawili polepole wakiwa marafiki. Kisha kinakuja chumba cha hospitali, na vifungua kinywa vinapisha ziara za kando ya kitanda. Kazi ya mshauri huko si kurekebisha kisichoweza kurekebishwa, bali kusimama ndani ya vita viwili vya mtu anayekufa bila kutetemeka. Kwa maana mtu anayekufa anapigana pande mbili kwa wakati mmoja: vita vya kimwili dhidi ya kushindwa kwa mwili wake, ambavyo tiba inaweza kuvichelewesha lakini haiwezi hatimaye kuvishinda, na vita vya kiroho vya nafsi — vita vilivyo muhimu kuliko vyote, na ambavyo mchungaji ameandaliwa kweli kumsaidia kuvishinda. Mshauri anaweza kushindwa vita vya kwanza pamoja naye na bado akaona vita vya pili vikishindwa. Mhudumu mmoja, aliyeketi na mtu wa namna hiyo, baadaye alisimulia furaha yake kwamba mtu huyo alikuwa ameyamaliza mambo yote ya kiroho kabla uwanja wa vita wa maumivu makali haujamwangukia; kisha akairudia polepole na kwa upole Zaburi ya Ishirini na Tatu, na mtu huyo akamminya mkono, na baada ya muda mfupi akaenda kuwa pamoja na Bwana. (Christianity Today, 9 Juni 1967, uk. 4.)A man comes to the church already carrying an incurable disease. He joins, and over months a friendship forms — a standing weekly breakfast, two men slowly becoming friends. Then comes the hospital room, and the breakfasts give way to bedside visits. The counselor's task there is not to fix what cannot be fixed but to stand inside a dying man's two battles and not flinch. For a dying person is fighting on two fronts at once: a physical battle against the failure of his body, which medicine may slow but cannot finally win, and a spiritual battle of the soul — the battle that matters most, and the one a pastor is actually equipped to help him win. The counselor can lose the first battle alongside him and still see the second one won. One minister, sitting with such a man, later spoke of his joy that the man had settled all spiritual matters before the battleground of agony fell upon him; then he slowly and softly repeated the Twenty-Third Psalm, and the man squeezed his hand and in a short time went to be with the Lord. (Christianity Today, June 9, 1967, p. 4.)

Hatua za Kufa na za HuzuniThe Stages of Dying and Grief

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross alieleza kwa mara ya kwanza hatua tano — kukana, hasira, kujadiliana, sonona, na kukubali — zilizotokana na kazi yake na wagonjwa wanaokufa; watafiti wa huzuni baadaye waliutumia mkondo huo huo kwa wafiwa. Ulinganifu huo ndio kiini cha sehemu hii: mtu anayekufa na familia itakayobaki baada yake mara nyingi hutembea njia ile ile ya kihisia, na mshauri anayeitambua ana uwezekano mdogo sana wa kumwelewa vibaya mtu aliye njiani humo.Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first described five stages — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — drawn from her work with dying patients; grief researchers later applied the same arc to the bereaved. The parallel is the heart of this section: the dying person and the family who will survive him often walk the same emotional road, and a counselor who recognizes it is far less likely to misread the person on it.

Kwa mtu anayekufa njia mara nyingi huenda hivi: kukana ("lazima kuna kosa; si mimi"); hasira ("kwa nini mimi?"), ambayo mara nyingi huelekezwa kwa Mungu au kwa madaktari au kwa familia — ambayo mshauri hapaswi kuidhania kuwa uasi dhidi ya Mungu, kwa maana kwa kawaida ni huzuni juu ya maisha yake mwenyewe; kujadiliana, yaani mapatano ya siri yanayofanywa na Mungu ili apate muda kidogo zaidi; sonona, yaani huzuni nzito hasara inapozidi kuwa halisi na mtu anajitenga; na mwishowe kukubali, utayari mtulivu wa kuondoka.For the dying person the road often runs like this: denial ("there must be a mistake; not me"); anger ("why me?"), often aimed at God or the doctors or the family — which the counselor must not mistake for rebellion against God, for it is usually grief over one's own life; bargaining, the secret deals struck with God for a little more time; depression, the heavy sorrow as the loss becomes real and the man withdraws; and finally acceptance, a quiet readiness to go.

Familia hutembea katika hatua hizo hizo tano — na, jambo la muhimu sana, mara nyingi bila kwenda sambamba na mgonjwa. Mtu anayekufa anaweza kufikia kukubali wakati mkewe bado yuko katika kukana au mwanawe bado yuko katika hasira; mmoja yuko tayari kuaga wakati wengine bado hawawezi kuvumilia kusikia hivyo. Kutolingana huko chenyewe ni chanzo cha msuguano kando ya kitanda, na kukitaja kwa upole — kumsaidia kila mmoja kuelewa mwenzake yuko wapi njiani — ni miongoni mwa kazi zenye manufaa zaidi anazofanya mshauri.The family walks those same five stages — and, crucially, often out of step with the patient. A dying man may arrive at acceptance while his wife is still in denial or his son still in anger; one is ready to say goodbye while the others cannot yet bear to hear it. That mismatch is itself a source of friction at the bedside, and naming it gently — helping each understand where the other is on the road — is some of the most useful work the counselor does.

Hatua Kumi, ZikitumikaThe Ten Steps, Applied

Hatua ya Kwanza · Awamu ya 1Step One · Stage 1

Amua Muda na MahaliDetermine the Time and the Place

Kando ya kitanda cha mtu anayekufa mshauri mara chache huchagua muda au mahali; hospitali, ugonjwa, na saa humchagulia. Hata hivyo hatua haitoweki — hupinda. "Mahali" pamoja na mtu huyu palikuwa pameandaliwa muda mrefu kabla ya chumba cha hospitali, mezani pa kifungua kinywa ambapo, wiki baada ya wiki, uaminifu ulijengwa na urafiki ukajengeka. Kuwepo kando ya kitanda kunawezekana sasa kwa sababu tu kuwepo kulitangulia mapema, wakati kulipogharimu kidogo. Pale ambapo hakujakuwa na msingi wa namna hiyo, mshauri husonga polepole na kwa upole. Na tahadhari za kawaida bado zinasimama — pale mtu anayekufa ni wa jinsia tofauti, mshauri hamtembelei peke yake nyuma ya mlango uliofungwa, bali pamoja na mwanafamilia, muuguzi, au mwamini mwingine akiwepo.At a deathbed the counselor rarely chooses the time or the place; the hospital, the disease, and the hour choose for him. Yet the step does not vanish — it bends. The "place" with this man was prepared long before the hospital room, at a breakfast table where, week by week, trust was built and a friendship formed. Presence at the bedside is possible now only because presence came earlier, when it cost less. Where there has been no such groundwork, the counselor moves slowly and gently. And the ordinary cautions still hold — where the dying person is of the opposite gender, the counselor does not visit alone behind a closed door, but with a family member, a nurse, or another believer present.

Hatua ya Pili · Awamu ya 1Step Two · Stage 1

Sikiliza — "Kwa Nini Usinieleze Habari Yake?"Listen — "Why Don't You Tell Me About It?"

Wanaokufa wana mambo ya kusema na muda unaozidi kupungua wa kuyasema, na zawadi kuu kabisa anayoileta mshauri mara nyingi si maneno bali utayari wa kuyapokea. Zuia hamu ya kujaza kila ukimya kwa maneno ya kutuliza; maneno ya kutuliza yanayotolewa haraka mno kwa kawaida ni kwa ajili ya faraja ya mshauri, si ya mtu anayekufa. Jambo la kwanza analolisema mtu mara chache huwa ndilo linalomlemea zaidi; hofu halisi — ya maumivu, ya kuiacha familia yake bila riziki, ya kufa yenyewe, ya kukutana na Mungu — hujitokeza tu anapohisi kwamba mshauri hana haraka na haogopi uwazi wake. Mwache azungumze juu ya maisha yake, majuto yake, matumaini yake kwa wale anaowaacha nyuma, na usikilize ni vita vipi kati ya vile viwili vilivyo vizito zaidi leo. Hapa zawadi ya Rogers ya usikivu usio na haraka iko katika nguvu zake zote — mshauri husikiliza kama Rogers, lakini, kama utangulizi ulivyoonya, haishii katika kusikiliza.The dying have things to say and a shrinking amount of time in which to say them, and the greatest gift the counselor brings is often not words but the willingness to receive them. Resist the urge to fill every silence with reassurance; reassurance offered too quickly is usually for the counselor's comfort, not the dying man's. The first thing a man says is rarely the thing weighing most heavily on him; the real fear — of pain, of leaving his family unprovided for, of dying itself, of meeting God — surfaces only when he senses the counselor is unhurried and unafraid of his honesty. Let him talk about his life, his regrets, his hopes for those he leaves behind, and listen for which of the two battles is heavier today. Here the Rogerian gift of unhurried attention is at its strongest — the counselor listens like Rogers, but, as the introduction warned, does not stop at listening.

Hatua ya Tatu · Awamu ya 1Step Three · Stage 1

Fafanua Hali — "Una Maana Gani Hasa?"Clarify the Situation — "Just What Do You Mean?"

Mtu huyo akishasema, mshauri kwa upole huhakikisha kwamba ameelewa. Watu walio mwishoni mwa maisha, kama wengine wote, mara nyingi hutaja taabu moja na kumaanisha nyingine: mtu anaweza kuzungumza juu ya maumivu yake na kumaanisha hofu yake kuu; anaweza kuzungumza juu ya kufa na kumaanisha wasiwasi wake kwa mkewe baada yake kuondoka; anaweza kuzungumza juu ya ukimya wa Mungu na kumaanisha hatia yake mwenyewe ambayo hajaiungama. Kuzijua hatua kunasaidia hapa — swali linalosikika kama kukana, au hasira inayoonekana kumlenga mshauri, huenda ikawa tu mtu huyo akipitia huzuni yake mwenyewe badala ya kutamka imani aliyoishikilia. "Nieleze unamaanisha nini kwa hilo" ya upole humzuia mshauri asipeleke msaada sahihi kwenye vita visivyo sahihi.Once the man has spoken, the counselor gently makes sure he has understood. People at the end of life, like everyone else, often name one trouble and mean another: a man may speak of his pain and mean his dread; may speak of dying and mean his worry for his wife after he is gone; may speak of God's silence and mean his own unconfessed guilt. Knowing the stages helps here — a question that sounds like denial, or anger that seems aimed at the counselor, may simply be the man working through his own grief rather than stating a settled belief. A gentle "Tell me what you mean by that" keeps the counselor from carrying the right help to the wrong battle.

Hatua ya Nne · Awamu ya 1Step Four · Stage 1

Chunguza Ushauri UliotanguliaInvestigate Previous Counseling

Kabla mshauri hajaleta msaada wa kiroho, hutafuta kujua ni nini ambacho kimekwisha kutatuliwa na nini bado. Je, mtu huyu amefanya amani na Mungu, au hiyo ndiyo kazi ambayo haijakamilika ambayo ziara nzima inaitegemea? Je, mhudumu mwingine, mchungaji wa hospitali, au mwanafamilia amekwisha kutembea sehemu ya njia hii pamoja naye? Katika simulizi la chanzo, furaha ya pekee ya mhudumu mmoja ilikuwa kwamba mtu huyo "alikuwa ameyamaliza mambo yote ya kiroho kabla uwanja wa vita wa maumivu makali haujamwangukia" — yaani, ushauri muhimu kuliko yote ulikuwa umekamilika wakati bado kulikuwa na nguvu za kuufanya. Kujua mtu amesimama wapi humzuia mshauri asipigane tena vita vilivyokwisha kushindwa, au, vibaya zaidi, asidhanie amani ambayo kwa kweli haipo. Pia humwambia hitaji linapozidi uwezo wake na hatua ya uaminifu ni kuwahusisha wale wanaoweza.Before the counselor brings spiritual help, he finds out what has already been settled and what has not. Has this man made his peace with God, or is that the unfinished work the whole visit turns on? Has another minister, a hospital chaplain, or a family member already walked part of this road with him? In the source account, one minister's particular joy was that the man "had settled all spiritual matters before the battleground of agony fell upon him" — that is, the most important counseling had been finished while there was still strength to do it. Knowing where a man stands keeps the counselor from re-fighting a battle already won, or, worse, from assuming a peace that is not really there. It also tells him when the need exceeds his competence and the faithful step is to involve those who can.

Hatua ya Tano · Awamu ya 2Step Five · Stage 2

Uwajibikaji — "Ni Wapi Ulipokosea?"Responsibility — "Where Have You Failed?"

Kati ya hatua zote, hii ndiyo inayoshughulikiwa kwa upole zaidi kando ya kitanda cha mtu anayekufa. "Ni wapi ulipokosea?" kamwe, hapa, si shtaka; mtu anayekufa hana tena muda wa kuhutubiwa. Lakini swali hilo bado lina umbo la upole na la ukombozi: je, kuna jambo lolote lililobaki la kurekebisha wakati bado kuna muda wa kulirekebisha? Huu ndio wakati wa kuungama, wa kuomba na kutoa msamaha, wa upatanisho, wa maneno yaliyoachwa bila kusemwa kwa muda mrefu. Mshauri hayalazimishi haya; hufungua mlango na kumwacha mtu apite ndani yake akipenda. Lengo si hatia bali kuachiliwa — ili mtu huyo aweze kuweka chini kile ambacho bado kinaweza kuwekwa chini, na kukabili kifo akiwa na hesabu zake zimekamilika na moyo wake katika amani, badala ya kubeba mizigo ya zamani na mizito hadi saa zake za mwisho.Of all the steps, this one is handled most gently at a deathbed. "Where have you failed?" is never, here, an accusation; a dying man has run out of time to be lectured. But the question still has a tender, redemptive form: is there anything left to set right while there is still time to set it right? This is the moment for confession, for the asking and granting of forgiveness, for reconciliation, for words long left unsaid. The counselor does not force these; he opens the door and lets the man walk through it if he will. The aim is not guilt but release — that the man might lay down what can still be laid down, and meet death with his accounts settled and his heart at peace, rather than carrying old and heavy burdens into his final hours.

Hatua ya Sita · Awamu ya 2Step Six · Stage 2

Onyesha Mfano wa JukumuModel the Role

Mtu anayekufa, na familia iliyokusanyika kuzunguka kitanda, humtazama mshauri kwa makini kuliko anavyojua. Wanatazama kuona kama mtu wa Mungu yeye mwenyewe yuko katika amani, kwa sababu kama hayuko, maneno yake ya amani yatasikika matupu. Kwa hiyo hujiendesha kwa imani thabiti, isiyo na haraka, isiyo na hofu; hatetemeki mbele ya sura au harufu ya kufa, haiharakishi ziara, haruhusu hofu ya ghafla au huzuni yake mwenyewe itawale uso wake. Uthabiti wake wenyewe ni mahubiri. Kwa kuonyesha uhakika mtulivu wa mtu anayeamini kwamba kuondoka ni kuwa pamoja na Kristo, humwazimisha mtu anayekufa na familia inayotazama imani ambayo, katika saa ile ngumu, wanaweza kuiegemea na kuiazima.A dying man, and the family gathered around the bed, watch the counselor more closely than he knows. They are looking to see whether the man of God is himself at peace, because if he is not, his words of peace will ring hollow. So he carries himself with a steady, unhurried, unafraid faith; he does not flinch at the sight or the smell of dying, does not rush the visit, does not let panic or his own grief master his face. His steadiness is itself a sermon. In modeling the calm assurance of one who believes that to depart is to be with Christ, he lends the dying man and the watching family a faith they can, in that hard moment, lean on and borrow.

Hatua ya Saba · Awamu ya 2Step Seven · Stage 2

Pitia Njia MbadalaReview the Alternatives

Hata mtu anayekufa bado ana chaguo, na sehemu ya kumheshimu ni kuweka mbele yake chaguo halisi badala ya kumwamulia. Anataka nini katika muda uliobaki? Upatanisho ambao ameuahirisha kwa muda mrefu; baraka inayotamkwa juu ya mwana au binti; neno la maelekezo au la faraja kwa mkewe; matakwa kuhusu mazishi yake; Maandiko na nyimbo anazotaka zisomwe na kuimbwa mwishoni. Kuna pia njia mbadala za kiroho: kutumia nguvu zake za mwisho katika hofu, au katika kutumaini na kutulia kwa nafsi yake. Mshauri huyawasilisha haya kwa upole, kama rafiki anayeweka wazi kile ambacho bado kinawezekana, na humwacha mtu huyo achague wakati bado anaweza. Maamuzi ambayo mtu anayafanya mwenyewe huwa yake kwa namna ambayo maamuzi aliyofanyiwa kamwe hayawi, na mwishoni kabisa umiliki huo ni heshima ambayo mshauri lazima aitunze.Even a dying man has choices left, and part of honoring him is laying the real ones before him rather than deciding for him. What does he want of the time remaining? A reconciliation he has long put off; a blessing spoken over a son or a daughter; a word of instruction or comfort for his wife; a wish about his funeral; the Scriptures and hymns he wants read and sung at the end. There are spiritual alternatives too: to spend his last strength in fear, or in trust and the quiet settling of his soul. The counselor presents these gently, as a friend laying out what is still possible, and lets the man choose while he still can. Choices a man makes for himself are owned in a way that choices made for him never are, and at the very end that ownership is a dignity the counselor must guard.

Hatua ya Nane · Awamu ya 2Step Eight · Stage 2

Chunguza MatokeoExplore the Outcomes

Kwa kila njia mbadala, mshauri hupitia kwa uaminifu mahali inapoelekea, bila uchangamfu wa uongo na bila hofu ya uongo. Kuuacha ugomvi bila kuponywa ni kuacha jeraha kwa wale watakaobaki; kutafuta upatanisho sasa ni kuwapa kumbukumbu ya neema itakayowafariji kwa miaka. Mshauri ni mkweli kwamba hawezi kuahidi uponyaji wa mwili, na hajifanyi kwamba kufa si jambo halisi; lakini anaweza kuahidi kwamba Mungu hufanya mambo yote kufanya kazi pamoja kwa wema kwa wale wampendao, na kwamba Yeye aliyeshinda mauti hupita ndani yake pamoja na walio wake.With each alternative, the counselor walks honestly through where it leads, without false cheer and without false dread. To leave a quarrel unhealed is to leave a wound in those who survive; to seek reconciliation now is to give them a memory of grace that will comfort them for years. The counselor is honest that he cannot promise healing of the body, and he does not pretend the dying is not real; but he can promise that God works all things together for good for those who love Him, and that the One who conquered death walks through it with His own.

Hatua ya Tisa · Awamu ya 2Step Nine · Stage 2

Toa TaarifaSupply Information

Sasa, na si kabla, mshauri huleta neno la Mungu waziwazi. Maandiko yanayosomwa kando ya kitanda cha mtu anayekufa si mhadhara bali kamba ya uokoaji: Zaburi ya Ishirini na Tatu, ikisomwa polepole na kwa upole; uhakikisho wa wokovu kutoka Yohana na Warumi; tumaini la ufufuo kutoka 1 Wakorintho. Hujibu maswali ya kweli kuhusu kinachokuja, kwa ukweli kadiri awezavyo, bila kutisha wala kutuliza kwa uongo. Na familia inapigana vita vyake yenyewe katika chumba kile kile — mara nyingi ikipita katika hatua zile zile za huzuni kama mtu anayekufa, na bila kwenda sambamba naye. Kwa hiyo mshauri huwapa wao pia: neno la faraja, maelezo ya wazi ya kile kinachotokea, uhakikisho kwamba hawako peke yao, na mfano mtulivu wa jinsi mwamini anavyoukabili mwisho.Now, and not before, the counselor brings the word of God plainly to bear. Scripture read at a deathbed is not a lecture but a lifeline: the Twenty-Third Psalm, read slowly and softly,; the assurance of salvation from John and Romans; the hope of resurrection from First Corinthians. He answers honest questions about what is coming, as truthfully as he can, neither frightening nor falsely soothing. And the family is fighting its own battle in the same room — moving, often, through the very same stages of grief as the dying man, and out of step with him. So the counselor supplies them too: a word of comfort, a plain explanation of what is happening, the assurance that they are not alone, and the quiet example of how a believer faces the end.

Hatua ya Kumi · Awamu ya 2Step Ten · Stage 2

HitimishaProvide Closure

Kuhitimisha kando ya kitanda cha mtu anayekufa ni maombi na mkono unaoshikwa — lakini hakuishii kando ya kitanda. Katika simulizi la chanzo, mhudumu "aliirudia polepole na kwa upole Zaburi ya Ishirini na Tatu; mtu huyo akamminya mkono na baada ya muda mfupi akaenda kuwa pamoja na Bwana." Mkono ule uliominywa ndio hitimisho: amina isiyo na maneno kati ya marafiki wawili. Hata hivyo kazi ya mshauri haijaisha mtu anapokufa. Sasa familia inaingia katika kipindi kigumu kuliko vyote cha huzuni yao wenyewe, na mchungaji aliyetembea pamoja na mtu anayekufa sasa lazima atembee pamoja na wafiwa — kupitia mazishi, wiki za kwanza za kutisha, na kumbukumbu za kila mwaka zinazolifungua jeraha upya kwa miaka. Kuhitimisha hapa si kusimama kwa usafi bali ni kukabidhiana: mwisho wa huduma moja, kwa mtu anayekufa, na mwanzo wa nyingine, kwa wale walioachwa nyuma. Huduma hiyo ya pili — kwa familia inayoomboleza — ndiyo somo la Sehemu ya 7.Closure at a deathbed is prayer and a hand held — but it does not end at the bedside. In the source account, the minister "slowly and softly repeated the Twenty-Third Psalm; the man squeezed his hand and in a short time went to be with the Lord." That squeezed hand is closure: a wordless amen between two friends. Yet the counselor's work is not finished when the man dies. The family now enters the hardest stretch of their own grief, and the pastor who walked with the dying must now walk with the bereaved — through the funeral, the first terrible weeks, and the anniversaries that reopen the wound for years. Closure here is not a clean stop but a handing-off: the end of one ministry, to the dying, and the beginning of another, to those left behind. That second ministry — to the grieving family — is the subject of Unit 7.